Dear Maggie —
I’m so glad we’re back from summer break—I missed your musings! I even reread some old columns to get my fix. I’ve submitted a few questions before (maybe because I’m clueless, maybe because I’m just an eager beaver 🦫), but today I finally have one worth sharing.
My son came home with his very first Accountability Ticket. The kicker? He got it for teasing another student… who had also just received an Accountability Ticket. His crime? Calling the poor boy “Ticket Boy.” I mean—I know teasing can’t be tolerated (and I fully support the teacher’s decision), but when he told me, I laughed so hard I nearly choked on my LaCroix. The irony!
Now, my son is usually a rule-follower. His personal goal was to make it through the entire year without a single ticket. Looks like that streak is over. 😬 Meanwhile, I feel like I deserve an Accountability Ticket because I never actually read the new Family Handbook, so I don’t know much about this policy. I’ve heard there are tiers and different consequences, but how worried do I really need to be? He was VERY upset when he got home, so I think the natural consequences are already working their magic.
Can you shed some light, Maggie?
— Unaccountable Ursula
Dear Unaccountable —
First things first—congratulations to your son for making it all the way to September 4th before earning his very first Accountability Ticket. By my count, that’s roughly 14.5 days—an Olympic-level achievement if you ask me! 🏅 I happen to know a few families who had wagers going on how long it would take for one of these slips to make their way home, and let’s just say your boy outlasted a few brackets.
And listen, I am with you—this is hysterical. “Ticket boy” might just go down in SMOS history as one of the great playground burns. Please, please tell me his siblings picked it up and kept calling him that for the rest of the day. If not, I may need to have a wee word with them about seizing comedy gold when it presents itself. And as for the teacher who had to issue this particular ticket—I’ll bet my best Boca sunhat it was Mrs. Komos, and if she managed to do it with a straight face, someone get that woman her Oscar already. 🎭
Now, as for the serious guidance part—I’ll point you straight to the digital Family Handbook. A lot of brainpower went into spelling out the new policy, and it really does lay it out as clearly as humanly (or ghostly) possible. Don’t kick yourself too hard for not reading it yet—let’s be honest, it landed right in the middle of the back-to-school information avalanche. No one’s brain was firing on all cylinders that week. But now? Well, now you’ve got no excuse. Chop-chop, Ursula!
And while I won’t be handing YOU an Accountability Ticket, I have been giving serious thought to expanding the program to cover parents. Imagine it:
- Holding up the carpool line while you check your email and unbuckle your child? TICKET.
- Skipping out on your pizza lunch shift – meanwhile, Lauren Fairlie caught you at a “liquid lunch” at Wild Olive instead? TICKET.
- Taking your recess duty referee gig a wee bit too seriously at kickball? DOUBLE TICKET.
On the other hand, things that will never earn you a ticket in my book: emailing Mrs. Rasure in desperation about how to re-learn algebra to keep the peace at homework time (no shame, math is brutal – and thanks for the video tutorials!), or donating piles of goodies to Maggie’s Closet (though please, for the love of tartan, take out anything non-uniform before you drop the bag—it’s not Goodwill, darling!).
Your story made my whole day. While I’m sorry your son had to learn this lesson, I’m delighted it came wrapped in equal parts humility and hilarity. Something tells me he’ll wear the “Ticket Boy” crown better than anyone before—or after—him.
Yours in ghostly giggles,
— Maggie