Dear Maggie —

I did something I was not proud of, but I felt I really had no choice – I threw away my son’s artwork. It’s not that I don’t think it’s good (please don’t ask me if it’s good 😬), it’s just that I‘ve only got so much wall space, and with 8 pieces of “artwork” coming home in his backpack everyday…choices were made. I know every parent eventually has to toss some of their kids’ precious art away, but I got caught red-handed!  I wasn’t just gently throwing the painting in the trash, he walked in while I was elbow-deep shoving the trash down into the can. Let’s just say, he won’t be nominating me for Mother of the Year anytime soon. I’m asking you because I know you have like 16 kids (btw do you know that Duggar lady??), and I can only assume you would have a suggestion on how to handle the insane amount of kid’s artwork and what to do with it all!

— Red-Handy Warhol

Dear Red-Handy —

First off – who hasn’t tossed their kid’s artwork? Just add it to the list of things they can talk to their therapist about later in life!  Of course, I threw my kids’ artwork away; mostly for logistical purposes. You try hanging stuff up on cinderblock walls of a castle without 3M hooks or scotch tape! I am so jealous when I see a fridge with magnets on it – that would have saved me so much heartache back in my day! It was harder to throw things out back then too, I had to wait for the undertaker to come by and shove little Matilda’s “masterpieces” in his wagon as he passed by – boy did that task stink! #PunIntended What I wouldn’t have done for a dumpster in the alley!

Luckily for you, I recently spoke with Valerie Hahn and she told me about the Yearbook Cover Art contest that is going on right now! It’s the perfect way to try and immortalize your little artist’s work. If he wins, this might just get you back in tiny Van Gogh’s good graces! 

This reminds me of St. Margaret’s first yearbook cover which was chiseled into a chunk of granite, no cameras means no pictures. All they did was just scribe a list of kids on a piece of stone and prop it up out in front of the school. Things sure have changed since then, none of these cute look-a-like pages or team photos you see now. This was back before political correctness so they just published a list of the kid’s names in two columns: Good Kids and Bad Kids. I’ll never forget how Lady Tiffany of Shenandoah gloated after being on the “good” list for 3 years in a row. Then there was Todd, son of Sir Mark of Flad; he never did get himself off the “bad” list. After too many incidents where he ended up in a dunce cap, he wasn’t really destined for anything other than the pillory in the town square. There used to be an old saying… ”Once a dunce, always a dunce.” I’m glad that’s no longer how the educational system runs, it was quite grim back then!

While I was talking to Valerie Hahn, she told me that she was able to get into one of the Catholic archives she has access to at her job and found a painting of me which she showed me.  Let’s just say, I haven’t always loved the artist’s interpretation of me… it appears this guy may have been blindfolded when he did this painting. #ThanksForNothingDude  I prefer more modern images of me, like this one – though I fear I might be accused of “having a little work done” in this image.  “Real Saint-Wives of Beverly Hills”? Maybe more like Barbie of Scotland – but I’ll take the compliment!

Anyway, back to the Yearbook Cover Art contest! There are a few rules that artists should follow, for more details click here. I can’t wait to see what all the young Picassos come up with this year! Hopefully, they’re able to capture my true beauty in their work! 💁

— Maggie