Dear Maggie —
I dread this time of year every time it arrives! The time when babysitters are as precious as the Hope Diamond and as hard to come by as Taylor Swift Eras tickets. We’ve still got two weeks left in December, and I’ve already had to hire a babysitter six times! It’s sooo expensive – can somebody say ‘Ramen for the rest of December’!? I’ve still got several holiday parties to attend, and I can’t find a sitter to save my life for this Saturday. I had one cancel last week because he got sick, and that wasn’t a big deal when I was trying to grab a cocktail with some friends, but now I’ve got my work holiday party, and I really can’t miss it. I would ask my mom, but her social calendar is more packed than mine – that darn Silver Belles caroling group she’s in! Do you have any connections or leads on an underground babysitters’ club? At this point, I’d let pretty much anybody watch my kids, even a good guard dog would do; I’m desperate! On a completely unrelated note – what are you doing this Saturday??
— Sitterless Sally
Dear Sitterless —
While I appreciate your willingness to leave your children in my care…I think 🤔- I must admit, ghosts don’t exactly make great babysitters. For one, we tend to scare the children – ya know, the whole walking dead thing doesn’t exactly provoke sweet dreams. Next, we can’t pick anything up, so holding a baby or a fire extinguisher is out of the question. Lastly, much like vampires can’t be seen in a mirror, ghosts can’t be heard over the phone. This tends to make parents nervous since we can’t call 911. They just have to cross their fingers nothing goes wrong! 🤞 And although it actually sounds like you might just be willing to do that these days, I’m confident there’s a better option out there for you.
(Speaking of babysitters – I just had a flashback to the time Bernie and I went out one night for a glass of mead at Sasha’s. She had hired St. Damien (well before he was a saint) to watch her kids and he tried to pick up her toddler and his arms fell off. Turns out hiring a leper to babysit is just as terrible an idea as hiring the faithfully departed. 😬 🧟)
Enough reminiscing – time to get you a sitter! As much as I love black market services, I only refer to ones on the up-and-up in order to maintain my professionalism as a journalist. (This counts as journalism right?? 🧑💻) I dug deep into the archives of the parish newsletter to find the info you so desperately need. Luckily for you, SMOS started its own Babysitters Club of sorts earlier this year. The powers that be created this CLEVER FORM for people to fill out if they’re interested in babysitting. Either teens or adults can offer their services. Once they complete the form, they can opt-in to be added to this SMOS BABYSITTERS DIRECTORY (bit.ly/smosbabysittersdirectory) for people to reference when in need of a sitter with fully attached limbs (limbs or not, you’re on your own to check their references by the way 🕵️). So, Sitterless, I’d reach out quickly before these SITTERS have LESS availability and get snatched up by other parents looking to get out for the 86th holiday event of the month as well!
Lastly, brace yourselves for a few weeks without me folks! I know, I know, tragic – but I have all the confidence in the world you’ll survive without me! Next week, I’m heading out to spend the holiday season in Lake Como with the girls (that influencer money is the cat’s meow)! I’ll be back in the New Year to keep you all well informed and still guessing who my editor is #IllNeverTell 🤐! I hope you have a blessed Christmas and a prosperous New Year! Cheers!