Dear Maggie —

I am sitting here stewing in my frustration because my high schooler and my middle schooler had Spring Break on different weeks this year.  So, we aren’t going anywhere this year, and I am a lot more bitter about it than I thought I would be.  I thought maybe I could live vicariously through you.  Since I know you’re always jetting off to new places, I’d love to know what your Spring Break plans are this year.  I really hope you’re headed somewhere warm, and maybe a zipline will be involved??

— Breaking Bad Brad

Dear Breaking Bad —

Thank goodness you asked this question!  It was just what I needed to pull me out of the Kate Middleton rabbit hole I have been down for the past week.  I’m 187 TikToks deep for today alone! #IMayHaveAProblem  But I’ve got to watch as many as I can before Congress outlaws my most reliable news source.😬  Don’t ask me where she is though, I honestly have no idea; but  I’m starting to think Harry and Meghan might have been right this whole time?!? #Didn’tSeeThatComing

Anywho… you’re not the only one who’s feeling sour about Spring Break this year.  You’re right, I usually do have plans that would make most people green with envy, but this year is a bit different.  Bernie, Terry, and I are headed to The Villages down in Florida to visit our friend, Catie. You might (or might not) know her as St Catherine Labouré; she’s the patron saint of the elderly… SO naturally she would live in the epicenter for old folks.  We begged her to just move to Naples, FL where there’s at least a beach, but she was insistent on going to The Villages 🤷🏽‍♀️. I doubt there are any ziplines there – that sounds like a broken hip waiting to happen!  She swears it’s not as bad as it sounds – she’s been begging us to come visit her for years and we finally ran out of excuses, so we leave next week.  We will see how this all plays out, but I’ve got a backup plan to “fall ill” if it’s as boring as I’m anticipating. That way, maybe B & T and I can leave a little early and head over to our old stomping grounds in Panama City Beach and relive our glory days. 

Man, did we have a good time back in the day!  I still think that MTV Spring Break 1997 was hands down the greatest week of my life.  We went to Jamaica to see The Spice Girls, and it was EVERYTHING!!!  For those of you looking to take a walk down memory lane, here’s a little something for you.  I still have my puka shell necklace, and I think fondly of the night I got my cartilage pierced while we were down there.  Maybe this year we’ll be able to convince Catie to let loose and dye her hair pink or something equally fun.  Only time will tell…

So Breaking Bad Brad, don’t get your panties in a twist too much about not being able to travel. I’m sure you’ll find a way to entertain at least half of your family next week.  Coincidentally, Chris Stephens reminded me this morning that raffle tickets will be going home today sooooooo, maybe you could use some of that free time to head out and sell some to your unsuspecting neighbors.  Or, if you are going somewhere – maybe to visit Grandma and Grandpa – they might be interested in buying one or two??  Even better, if you’re flying somewhere, maybe a lovely TSA agent might be interested in purchasing a raffle ticket.  I’ve heard that the only thing they love more than someone who brings a full bottle of lotion in a carry-on is a small child trying to support their school’s fundraiser in the security line!  The other option is to do none of the above and just wait until the $100 is taken from your FACTS account at the end of April.  You do you Boo!

Happy Spring Break everyone and don’t forget your sunscreen!

— Maggie